Restoration

Her tone was calm and steady but her words chilled my heart. “Mom,” said my newly-pregnant daughter in South Carolina, “I’ve been having cramps all afternoon. Do you think that’s a problem?”

And my heart began to race. I know the agony of miscarriage and the hollow of waiting out the days, hoping for healing and restoration.

We talked. She was already resting and I had little advice. Wait. We’ll all know soon if this is a problem.

When the phone rang the next morning, I saw her name on the caller ID. “How’s it going?” I whispered.

“We called the doctor,” she said quietly. “The pain got worse. He thinks it’s either an ectopic pregnancy or a cyst, but not likely to be a cyst.”

My role changed in an instant to a comforter. We talked about the glimmer of hope but moved to the more-likely scenario. “Do you ever miss the babies you lost?” she asked. “Does it bother you to talk about this?”

Yes. No. I’m here to listen and to share the hurt.

This was the daughter who once wanted me to move away. At age 8, she had lost her mother in a car accident. I was only a smoky substitute, not able to fill her heart. She drifted through her teen years angrily and only after she left for college were we able to begin to repair the rift.

But now…. But now, we shared our hearts as mothers consumed with anxiety over children. “Thanks for listening,” she said finally. “I love you.”

The call came a few hours later. They had opted to go to the emergency room, tired of the hours of anxiety and wanting final answers. An ultrasound revealed her condition.

“The baby’s fine! It was a cyst. We got to see the heartbeat and I have a definite due date now.” Together we rejoiced over God’s grace.

She and her husband will be home at Christmas and I will give her hugs of joy then. We’ll celebrate that God restored children – hers and mine.

Friday Five: Beginnings

In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth. Gen. 1:1

He has made everything beautiful in its time…

yet they cannot fathom what God has done

from beginning to end. Ecc 3:11

In the beginning was the Word and the Word was with God

and the Word was God. John 1:1

That which was from the beginning…this we proclaim

concerning the Word of Life. 1 John 1:1

I am the Alpha and Omega, the First and the Last,

the Beginning and the End. Rev 22:13

(Note: painting from Genesis project. Thank you, Ann!)

Poured out

Apparently Jack has toppled the giant. Or maybe the giant only stumbled. We’re not yet sure but what’s clear is that Bill Hybels has apologized.

If you haven’t heard yet what the head of Willow Creek had to say, check out this article from Christianity Today.

But the essence is that this multi-million dollar facility, with enough staff to run a town, and lots of church programs didn’t produce spiritual growth. Willow Creek is one of the leading megachurches in this country with innovative programs and great energy for impacting the culture.

I don’t fault their motivation. Their church model drew thousands of people hungry for a Christianity relevant to their lives.

The only problem was that these people were not growing spiritually. They came to be fed but didn’t grow. Willow Creek discovered, to its chagrin, that the model grew numbers but not disciples.

It may be tempting, to those sitting on the outside, to withdraw into the good old church of our childhood, to walk away from innovation and church models.

Spiritual growth does happen the old-fashioned way, but that way is not the model of the 1950’s but of the first century. Growth happens with prayer, Bible reading, fellowship. It’s hard work and it’s not glamorous.

Jesus was the broken bread and the poured-out wine. His work was inconvenient and unattractive at times. How does a follower of Jesus grow? Willow Creek found out it wasn’t by racing after programs that pour in but by that which causes us to pour out.

Highways

I gripped the steering wheel fiercely for one doesn’t arrive efficiently in the city if one hesitates. “You drive different in Denver,” my kids tell me.

I do. She who hesitates misses the exit.

Looking ahead, I can see a gap in traffic that will let me move toward the exit. My goal is not to dart to and fro, but to get to my destination as simply as possible. I’m making the straightest line I can make for my target.

There’s a walking path down by the river that meanders through the trees and breaks free to view the flowing water. The path forks often, with the new little lanes wandering haphazardly through the countryside. Any path will get me back to the parking lot eventually but some take longer than others. There isn’t a straight line anywhere.

My son tells me that God doesn’t make straight lines. That's the domain of people: straight lines.

I had jury duty this week. I was caught in jury traffic for 3 hours, sitting in the courtroom with nothing to do, waiting on lawyers. I wanted to get to my exit but there was no moving. I had to look ahead. Would I get to the afternoon spa session with my daughter? Would I make the quiz practice?

I slid appointments here and there, not knowing when we’d be sent out of the courthouse. It’s hard to plan for exits when the traffic isn’t moving.

I find my heart longs for less of the four-lane highway and more of the river path. Where once I conquered and planned and scheduled, now I want to meander and contemplate and compare.

Oswald Chambers wrote about the haphazard being part of God’s order. I yearn for God’s haphazard, the walking on his path even when it’s the long way around and I can’t see the exits. Jesus didn’t carry a Daytimer and he didn’t refuse to spend three days in Samaria because he had an appointment in Caesarea.

Our world is different from his, but my soul longs for God’s haphazard today.

How does a follower of Jesus handle the four-lane highway of our age? I’m guessing it has to do with recognizing God’s hand in every moment and relishing each as a gift from him.

The Draw-Four syndrome

I first noticed it during a game Uno. You know Uno, right? That card game where you match colors or numbers. Its specialty is the “Draw Four” cards that, when played, load up an opponent’s hands with new cards. There’s a newer version now where a electronic device can spit out one-to-a-bunch of cards to the forlorn opponent.

It’s great fun with friends and family.

But one day many years ago, I sat down to play it with friends and found no great relish in slamming down the “Draw Four” card. It made me sort of… well, squeamish. I held it til the end of the game.

That was when I realized that something had happened inside of me, for I had never before hesitated to do what it took to win.

How has the Spirit changed you?

Once as a child, I had organized a little circus for our parents. The backstage area was my bedroom and so my siblings and I rushed in and out of the doorway to present our various acts to our audience. In doing so, my youngest brother and I met in the doorway. As we crashed through, I banged his head against the jamb. In my next rush past, I found him sitting on the floor in tears.

My response? The show must go on! I was disgusted with his weakness and tried to prod him to get his act going.

The Spirit had some work to do.

That’s why the Uno game so surprised me. A tenderness rose like a thin tendril of smoke from my heart, something new to me.

Last night, at a church Thanksgiving feast, God sat me down beside a developmentally-challenged woman who, at age 55, is hoping to find a job at McDonald’s while fighting her sister’s charge that she is retarded. “I am not!” she insists. She loves her son but hasn’t seen him in years. She can’t drive and hurt her hip recently, so walking is a challenge.

Last night, I listened. This from the self-willed girl who believed you won by grabbing life by the horns and bulldogging it to the ground, no matter who got slammed in the process.

This was the Spirit in me. I am amazed every day. I couldn’t manufacture this compassion and once didn’t see why I should want to. I am changed.

So, it’s your turn. How has the Spirit changed you? How are you amazed?

Friday Five: Refuge

He is a shield
for all who take refuge in him.

2 Sam 22:31

How priceless is your unfailing love! Both high and low among men find refuge in the shadow of your wings.

Psalms 36:7

The LORD delights in those who fear him,
who put their hope in his unfailing love.

Psalms 147:11

Jesus said to her, "I am the resurrection and the life. He who believes in me will live, even though he dies; and whoever lives and believes in me will never die. Do you believe this?"

John 11:25-26

I am not ashamed of the gospel, because it is the power of God for the salvation of everyone who believes: first for the Jew, then for the Gentile.

Romans 1:16

(This painting and similar ones can be viewed at The Genesis Project.)

The path of truth

The conversation, like the midday sun, was as warm and sunny while we stood outside my front door chatting. She had brought a Bible and a pamphlet, wondering if I'd like to read articles about how the Bible was true and the foundation for our lives.

I told her that I read the Bible daily and depended on it for life. "But I think we're on different spiritual walks," I said. "I believe Jesus is my savior and that he is God. I don't think you do."

She gently shook her head. She put the pamphlet away as I said, "I love Jesus and I don't think your booklet would do me much good."

"I am so glad you read the Bible," she said. "I know many don't and I don't know how they get along."

So for another five minutes, a follower of Jesus and a Jehovah's Witness discussed the value of God in a cold and dark world. We agreed that a life denying God is an empty, purposeless existence.

As she drove away, I thought of plenty more to say. I would have asked her how I could pray for her. I would have asked how her relationship with God strengthened her and where she found comfort in the Bible during those frightening night hours. I would have asked her how her spiritual choices had changed her life. And eventually I would have asked how she found salvation without Jesus.

Once I was afraid to have a Jehovah's Witness at my door, for fear they'd stump me. Actually, for fear they knew more about the Bible than I did. In my next stage, I thought I had to win the debate with them. After that, I was sure I was to convert them in one quick conversation.

But that day, as two women enjoyed the warm fall sunshine and discussed the value of God's Word, what I wanted to do was love her and hear her heart. She was a person, not an icon for a religious philosophy.

Jesus sat in mid-day at a well and chatted about religious ideas with a Samaritan woman. He wasn't afraid of her misinterpretation of the law. He showed her kindness and a path to truth.

These days, that's what I'd like to do when a Jehovah's Witness stops by. Love, listen, and show them truth.