Tuesday, April 29, 2008

On Writing: Whipped Cream

On the writing road, there’s a fork of decision. I’ve been promoting the path of the knife: cut out all the unnecessary and get to the meaning of the work. There’s another path that many wanna-be writers take: the way of the gushing.

. Sometimes reading the bad makes the good more obvious. Check these out (and remember that learning and writing should be fun, too):

1. Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two sides gently compressed by a Thigh Master.

2. His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.

3. He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.

4. She grew on him like she was a colony of E. coli, and he was room temperature Canadian beef.

5. She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up.

6. Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.

7. He was as tall as a six-foot, three-inch tree.

8. The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated because of his wife's infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge at a formerly surcharge-free ATM machine.

9. The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't.

10. McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty bag filled with vegetable soup.

Now do you see why I love the Michelangelo principle? Release the angel, don’t heap on the whipped cream.

1 comment:

Carole said...

Can these be for real?! I'm not a writer, but even I know those are bad. Thanks for the laugh, Kathy.