Our sinking stones

Her eyes suddenly glazed with tears. “I love Jesus,” she whispered roughly, “but I can’t feel him now. It doesn’t feel like he’s with me here.” And she cried softly.

Ugh. I have felt the same way. In the horrible storms of life, it seems like God is sleeping in the boat. We think he has left us in our moment of need, alone as we face the foaming ugly waves that threaten to wash us off the ship.

We need to go back to the basics. Who is God? What do I believe is true about God? I have decisions to make. Either I believe God is who he says he is, or I don’t. I can’t waffle on this one.

But sometimes it doesn’t feel like he’s near. I can feel the spray of the waves and the roar of the wind. The boat is shaking and so am I. How could God let this storm threaten my boat? Will he let me sink?

If I believe God is present, as he says he is, then I have to determine what in me is blocking my perception of his presence.

That is usually about bondage in my life. It can be bitterness, unforgiveness, anger, jealousy, greed, self-sufficiency, pride. These are black roots sinking deep into my heart and they deaden my ability to feel God’s presence. He is near but I can’t feel him when I’m nurturing such oppression.

We have choices to make. Oddly, we often grab hold of our bondages like the life jacket in the boat. We think the pride and self-sufficiency will keep us afloat in a storm. We think unforgiveness will protect us from the looming hurricane. We think greed and holding onto possessions will keep us out of the ugly waves. We are foolish.

What did the disciples discover in their storm? Jesus was sleeping in their boat and when they awakened him, he rebuked the waves and the storm stopped. And then he turned to them and said, ‘where is your faith?” They had enough sense to ask him to calm the storm, but they didn’t have enough sense to remember his words before they started across the lake. He had said, “let’s go to the other side of the lake.” (Mark 4:35-40)

So, as the storm rises, our precious life jackets – those things we trust to get us through the waves – are the very things that block of us from feeling his presence. What we think will preserve us in the storm are really the rocks that are weighing us down. We’ll sink if we keep clinging to those things. No wonder God feels distant! We’re not even hanging onto him but our own sinking stone.

He says to us, “let’s go over to the other side.” Are we ready to go?